How to Vaporize Judgement and Criticism

Years ago I made a connection that created a profound change in a difficult relationship. Since then, I’ve shared that connection with many of my clients. They, too, have found it significant in helping them shift their perception, stay in their own business and heal their relationships. If this post resonates with you, by all means, please share it!

I originally wrote this post in 2011 as part of a musical blog (called my MUSAIC) that existed on an old website of mine. Perhaps some day I’ll compile all 17 Musaics (blog posts wrapped around song lyrics). To get the most from this post and experience the music that inspired me, listen to The Bee Gees singing, Jive Talkin’ and read on.


How to Vaporize Judgement and Criticism

© 2010-2018 Linda Bucher, All rights reserved

Oh, my child, you’ll never know Just what you mean to me.
Oh, my child, you got so much; You’re gonna take away my energy.
Oh, my love, you’re so good at treating me so cruel. There you go with your fancy lies,
Leavin’ me lookin’ like a dumbstruck fool.

They feel like daggers, although theyʼre just words. You try to rise above them. “He doesnʼt mean it,” you say to yourself. “She means well…” you try to convince yourself. But those words, they sting. And they echo. Reruns play in your mind, evoking self- doubt, anger, tears.

And if there’s somebody you’ll love till you die, Then all that jive talkin’ just gets in your eye.

Total strangers can never hurt you like this. Itʼs the people whom you love and admire that youʼve given the power to deliver 40 lashes with their sharp tongues. Or perhaps it’s you: self-depricating talk falls into the same category.

With all your jive talkin’, you’re telling me lies, yeah. Jive talkin’, you wear a disguise.
Jive talkin’, so misunderstood, yeah.
Jive talkin’, you’re really no good.

Hereʼs something I discovered, which I probably already knew, but took me a very long time to actually KNOW. I can best explain it through this lovely picture I drew (no jive comments allowed):

Love + Fear = Judgement & Criticism

THIS is how Judgement and Criticism are born. When fears are mixed with love, people start to tell you what you should do, how to live your life, and what youʼre doing wrong. They proceed to ask and answer, “You want to know what your problem is?” when, actually, you donʼt. These people (and your inner critic) are so adept at mixing love and fear together, that they are unaware of the alchemy of this mixture: HURT.

They truly do want whatʼs best for you (as if they could ever know what that is) and they actually believe in the doomsday sagas theyʼve created in their minds (inevitable, of course, if you stray from their well meaning advice). In short, they push their fears onto you and you alchemize them into self-doubt, anger, fear of failure….oh, the list goes on.

Nobody believes what you say.
It’s just your jive talkin’ that gets in the way.

I used to think it was their job to get a filter, to stop putting me down, to stop questioning my motivations and actions. But then I really took a hard look at these people who I KNOW love me, and I stepped back and realized that wanting someone else to change is plain and simply arguing with the reality of who they are.

Thatʼs when I knew I had to dig deep into the bottom of my cereal box and find the treasure that awaited in its depths: the magical, mystical, TOP SECRET DECODER RING. Iʼve drawn it for you here:

Decoding Judgement and Criticism


Judgment and Criticism are sucked into the mystical centrifuge of the TSDR and alchemized back into their base components; LOVE and FEAR, which are far easier to acknowledge and accept. In the interest of space, I couldn’t draw the entire decoded TSDR Scroll, but here are a few goodies:

DAGGER: “You’re going to wear that?!”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid my little girl is growing up and won’t need me any more.”

DAGGER: “Sometimes I think you’re crazy.”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid I don’t understand you and you may grow away from me.”

DAGGER: ” I hate you.”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid you may be right.”

DAGGER: “You can’t do anything right.”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid I can’t do anything right.”

DAGGER: “I thought you were smarter than that.”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid your decisions may reflect on me.”

DAGGER: “You should take a good look at yourself.”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid to take a good look at myself.”

DAGGER: “You want to know what your problem is?…”
DECODED MESSAGE: “I love you and I’m afraid to acknowledge that it’s actually my problem.”

The next time you hear negative talk about yourself or find yourself judging or criticizing, break out your TSDR and decode before you do anything else and you’ll find the best response to any daggers is…

“I love you, too.”


© 2010-2018 Linda Bucher  – All rights reserved

When you’re ready to discover the hero inside you, turning circumstance into strength will change everything. More here.