How I stopped pushing and started receiving

Sometimes we have an experience that is so profound, we feel compelled to share it, in the hopes that it may help someone else connect to the part of themselves that holds the key to expansion. In this light, I share a recent experience that sticks out among my usual grind.

I had been pushing and pushing for decades. In recent years, pushing toward finding my purpose; pushing to learn the craft of life coaching; pushing to establish a coaching practice; pushing to write a book; pushing to create offers and content; pushing to grow my business. While, in almost all areas, I was successful, the pushing had taken its toll, big time.

I intuitively knew I needed to slow down and go within. In fact, I’ve had this intuitive nudge for almost a year.  But the snowball of what I was creating was rolling downhill ever faster, gaining momentum. I couldn’t stop. Something within me wouldn’t stop. Stopping would mean delaying business growth or admitting defeat or some other bullshit story I was telling myself. So, like I’ve often done, I resisted that nudge of intuition and I kept pushing.

 

One thing I know from experience is that, when ignored, Universal whispers become nudges which become shoves.

So, when I began feeling drawn to watch Abe-Hicks videos (a practice I had gotten away from during this pushing phase), I followed the feeling. Every video that came up had something in common: the theme of receiving. And in each video, Abraham shared that the best way to get into the receiving mode is through meditation.

I wholly believe in meditation, just like I wholly believe in exercise. I just don’t do either. As soon as I put meditation on my daily to-do list, it goes from being an indulgence to being a task and out comes Resistance. It’s like “being” will take time away from all the “doing” that I’ve got to do. Ridiculous. I know.

Coincidentally (or probably not), I received an invitation to attend a workshop to connect with divine feminine energy. Intuitively, I knew that all of the pushing, the accomplishing, the entrepreneurial hat always perched on my head, the single-handed running of the household since my husband’s death, the trying to make up for the kids not having a father, the entire way I showed up in the world was evidence of how I’d been living in masculine energy.  Had I lost touch with my feminine energy? Had I ever truly connected with that part of myself? Curious, I accepted the invitation.

It was a small gathering of women and after tea and introductions, the facilitator guided us through a meditation (see what I mean about Universal nudges?). During the mediation, my usual 500-watt vibrancy melted into a soft, warm glow and I connected with a part of myself to which I hadn’t ever given much attention. It was a delicious experience.

 

A twist on intention

So, the next day, instead of jumping right into work, I decided to piggy back on the previous evening’s experience and try something new. In fact, I tried 3 new things.

In my pushing, too busy creating what I wanted to receive what I asked for, I had been resisting gratitude and the abundance it brings. Which is why, for the previous 6-months, I hadn’t logged a single entry in my 5-Minute Gratitude Journal. Seriously – I couldn’t take 5 minutes a day? But, that morning, I wrote in my gratitude journal.

Then, I set an intention for that which I wanted but I put a new twist on it: I called on a higher power to clear the way both in me and in others who may be involved in my intention manifesting into reality. I asked that whatever might be impeding my intention from happening be cleared; to clear impediments in the conscious and subconscious minds of me and others. I asked to clear impediments in the past, in the present and future concerns and worries.

Asking for help to clear the way would, of course, require receiving. So, on the heels of the night before, I thought I might as well give meditation a shot. And, whoa, did I have a profound experience.

 

The experience blew my mind  

During the meditation, I brought my awareness to what my body was experiencing and I discovered a tightness in my head, like a tightly closed fist. I placed my hands over my eyes and gave that tight fist my full attention, allowing it to be there.  I invited the fist to open when it was ready. Instead, however, it grew larger and more painful. Then, suddenly it released all it had been holding on to. I experienced a complete and utter breakdown, an expulsion of what felt like long-held sorrow and the release of high expectations I’ve always held myself to. I released the pressure I’ve always put on myself to get everything right. I released the force of trying to control things in my life. I stayed with the breakdown, allowing it to run its course. The tightness released, the fist disappeared, and I calmed.

That would have been pretty profound in itself, but it didn’t stop there. Sixty seconds later, of their own volition, my hands moved to over my womb. I immediately felt the sorrow long held there. Sorrow over 3 miscarried children, sorrow for being untrue to my divine femininity, sorrow for my wounded child self. Then came another complete and utter breakdown through which I was rocking and rubbing and consoling and holding and opening and healing. Then I calmed again. Whoa.

But that’s not all, folks. About a minute later my hands moved to my heart. Seriously? More long held sorrow there? So much sorrow. Sorrow over so many years of not loving myself. Sorrow for selling out my true self. Sorrow for love lost, judgments handed down, forgiveness withheld. Here was yet another complete and utter breakdown. I let it run its course. And calmed once again.

The tightness was now in the back of my head, reaching down my spine. A further breakdown ensued; further release. I had put so much weight on my shoulders. The responsibility for my children’s happiness. The responsibility to make up for them growing up without a father. The pressure to hold everything together. The pressure to perform as an entrepreneur (when I really just want to serve and help and heal). I let it go. As much of it as would release, anyway. I stayed with the breakdown until I calmed once again.

Then, my body shook and spasmed, a final release of what my body had been holding onto for so long. In its wake, a wave of peace washed over me. Buzzing in my ears. Points of light and kaleidoscope of colors behind my eyelids. There it was, finally: the meditative state I had come for.  I stayed with it and experienced it…

…until my phone bleeped and shocked me back into the day.

 

The realization

I’m often oblivious, but even I couldn’t miss that, in releasing a fair amount of my long held sorrow and the trauma stored in my body, I was receiving the clearing I had requested just minutes before.

I asked myself how this experience serves my intention to have a beautiful, successful coaching practice that reflects who I am. I already knew the answers, but my experience had punctuated them with a big, fat exclamation point:

  • Recognizing an intuitive longing (like the need to go inward) in myself attunes me to recognize it in my clients
  • Acknowledging and moving through resistance to those longings gives me insight to help my clients through their resistance
  • In giving attention to the parts of myself that need healing, I learn new ways to help my clients heal the wounded parts of their souls
  • By traveling through the ring of fire and finding peace and tranquility on the other side, I can confidently hold a space for my clients as I help them do the same
  • And because I’ve moved from knowing something logically to knowing it truly, and deeply in my heart, I can support my clients in discovering the truth for themselves. What did I discover, truly and deeply in my heart? I discovered what is truly meant by, “Ask and you shall receive.” I don’t have to go it alone. And neither do you.

 

Going inward.

Chances are that you, too, have been ignoring, suppressing or resisting an intuitive longing. By setting an intention to release the resistance and connect with it, you’ll set the wheels in motion. Remember to call on help and then get into receiving mode. You may just have a blog-worthy experience of your own.

xo,

Linda

 


Linda Bucher is a Master Certified Life Coach and coach mentor who helps smart women who want it all to Get clear, Get confident and Go big™. Learn more at LindaBucher.com